Called to Serve (Part 7): The Student Who Changed Me

Throughout this series, I have reflected on calling, presence, grief, uncertainty, and the responsibilities that come with serving others. This week, I want to tell the story of a student who quietly reshaped the way I think about teaching, chaplaincy, and leadership. Sometimes the people who change us most are not the loudest voices in the room. Sometimes they are the ones who wait until everyone else has left before saying what truly matters.

The Student Who Changed Me

Every teacher has one.

A student who, without meaning to, rearranges something in you.

Mine was a young man in one of my classes: sharp, quiet, usually the last to speak.

For weeks, I read his silence as disinterest.

Maybe even resistance.

I was wrong.

One afternoon after class, he stayed behind and told me, quite plainly, that he had been afraid to speak because he didn't want to say the "wrong" thing about God in front of people he believed were being trained to defend the "right" one.

I've thought about that sentence more than almost anything else a student has said to me.

What I Had Gotten Backwards

I had assumed silence meant absence.

That the quiet ones simply had less to offer.

What I learned instead is that silence, especially in a seminary classroom, can mean many things.

Sometimes it is uncertainty.

Sometimes it is caution.

Sometimes it is deep thought.

And sometimes it is someone wondering whether it is safe to say what is really on their mind.

That conversation reframed something fundamental about how I teach and how I serve as a chaplain.

The loudest question in the room is rarely the deepest one.

The deepest question may be sitting quietly, deciding whether it is safe to be asked at all.

What Changed After That Conversation

A few things changed in the way I approach a classroom and, increasingly, the way I approach conversations with people who are struggling.

I Stopped Measuring Engagement by Volume

A hand that never goes up isn't automatically a mind that isn't working.

Some people process externally.

Others process internally.

Both can be deeply engaged.

I Began Creating More Space for Private Honesty

A written reflection.

A one-on-one conversation.

An opportunity to ask a question privately.

These can sometimes reveal what a public discussion never will.

I Became More Careful with My Tone

Correcting error matters.

But so does creating an environment where people are willing to risk being wrong.

If a room feels unsafe for a wrong answer, it will eventually feel unsafe for an honest question.

Those two things travel together.

Why This Belongs in a Series on Chaplaincy

Chaplaincy isn't only chapel and crisis.

A great deal of it happens in the ordinary work of teaching, listening, and creating space where people can be honest.

Sometimes ministry is not about speaking.

Sometimes it is about making room.

That young man didn't need me to have better answers that afternoon.

He needed to know that the room could hold his honest questions without punishing him for asking them.

And perhaps that is part of what it means to serve.

Not simply giving people answers, but creating enough space for them to wrestle honestly with the questions they are carrying.

Called to Be Free

This experience has also made me hear Galatians 5:13 differently.

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." — Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

I've often focused on the second half: “Serve one another humbly in love.”

But the verse begins with: “You were called to be free.”

There is something powerful about bringing those two ideas together.

Perhaps part of serving others is helping create spaces where people are free enough to ask difficult questions.

Free enough to admit they don't understand.

Free enough to wrestle with faith.

Free enough to find their voice.

Not freedom from truth.

But the freedom to pursue truth honestly.

That student never became the loudest voice in the class.

But by the end of that semester, he was speaking — carefully, thoughtfully, and, I like to think, a little freer than when he started.

And I was a different teacher because of him.

A Practical Lesson Beyond the Classroom

If you lead people in any setting, look around your room.

Who has gone quiet?

And why?

Silence has more than one cause, and only one of them is disengagement.

Sometimes silence is fear.

Sometimes it is uncertainty.

Sometimes it is deep thought.

And sometimes it is simply someone waiting to discover whether their voice is welcome.

Good leadership isn't only about hearing the loudest voices.

It is also about creating environments where quieter voices can safely emerge.

A Question to Sit With This Week

Who in your circle might be quiet not because they have nothing to say, but because they're not yet sure it's safe to say it?

And what could you do to make the room a little safer?

Next week: “What the Hymn Book Taught Me” — on tradition, worship, and why the old forms still hold weight.

CALLED TO SERVE

My Life as a Chaplain

"You were called to be free... rather, serve one another humbly in love." — Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

A weekly reflection on chaplaincy, leadership, faith, and what it means to live a life of service.

🎵 Theme Song: “Called to Serve” "I am called to serve, to listen and to lead..."

This reflection is part of the Called to Serve series. Read all twelve parts on the Called to Serve page.